Finishing second on the seventh season of “American Idol”, 31-year-old David Archuleta, who grew up in Utah as a devout member of the Mormon Church, told People in an interview that he had to “take a break from religion” for his own sanity.
Archuleta told his fans on Instagram last year that he came out to his family seven years ago as gay, but had similar feelings for both genders.
“I tried to hide from this all my life, and I can’t. I just had to take a step away,” Archuleta said. “I did not want to weigh out whether it was better for me to live and exist, or if it was better for me not to exist.”
“It hurts me because my religion was everything for me. But you get to a point where you realize there are some things not right here,” he added. “I need to just live my life, because I already know I’m okay how I am.”
Archuleta said that he contemplated suicide because of the church’s doctrine.
“I thought it would be a better choice to just end my life,” Archuleta said.
“You just start feeling like, ‘Oh, there’s probably no point for me to live. I probably would be better off not living anyway. God would probably forgive me if I ended my life because it’s better than what I could become, which is if I’m gay or LGBT of any sorts, I’m going to be in big trouble spiritually,'” he added.
He said he began accepting his identity as part of the LGBTQ community after prayer and conversations with God, as well as with church leaders about Mormonism’s views on the LGBTQ community.
“I can’t keep putting myself in a place where it’s so conflicting where they say, ‘We love you so much, but at the same time, you must change who you are,'” he said.
“I’ve allowed myself to love myself for everything I am, to not be conditioned to shame myself — and to be not ashamed of who I am feels wonderful,” he added. “Because I didn’t think it was ever okay to love myself.”
Happy being himself!
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